Compartmentalization (Part 2)

Compartmentalization 

Part 2: Black Platform

“Hey! You need any water or anything?”
“Yeah, if you happen to have some that would be great.”
He gets a water bottle from the glove compartment, and throws it at the seat next to me, “Here you go! If you need anything else, just holler.”
“Thanks.”
I then was about to ask where we are even going, but I decided to drink the water to try and subdue the headache I have. So, who am I exactly? The man said, ‘Josh,’ so I guess I am Josh for now. My head is pounding, maybe from dehydration? I try drinking the water and I am shocked at how hot it is.
“Yeah sorry about that,” the driver says while looking in his rear-view mirror, “but I hear that warm water absorbs better into the body anyway, so maybe that’ll help.”
I take a few sips from the water bottle, and ask, “So, uh, I don’t believe we have met. My name is Josh…?”

The driver gives me a look of reassurance and says, “Don’t worry about it, I know all about your amnesia”

I retort,” It’s not amnesia,” with a sense of anger I wasn’t expecting from myself.

“Well, whatever it is, I’ve been told to bring you to Maxwell’s, and he’ll tell you everything there.”

“Who?”

“He’s the boss, you’ll meet him soon. Just try to relax back there. It looks like you’ve been through some shit.” The driver then motions to turn on the radio, and I make a motion to stop him.

“If it’s alright with you, can we leave the radio off? Just so I can think a bit?”

The driver seems dismayed, but he takes his hand off the dial and says nothing.

Not really sure why I did that, but honestly I am trying to figure out why I am doing anything here. I was in the middle of the desert, with a torn up suit, and just survived a crash of some kind. Now, I am in a van, with a stranger, going who knows where. I am almost relieved that I am taking this so well. I guess I have been in this situation before. I try and force the memory to come out, but I guess I don’t need to yet. The problem with “mind compartmentalization” or MCN (as someone used to call it, maybe the guy who taught me? I think the acronym is a pun, but I don’t remember what it could be), is that I am never sure anymore if I am not remembering intentionally or if my brain is misfiring. Hell, if I have had a concussion, maybe I do have amnesia. Though there is something about having amnesia that pushes all my buttons in the wrong way.

About 10 minutes pass in silence while I am trying to concentrate and force the memories out. Driver then looks back at me, “Alright, sorry man, I can’t drive with no music, I’ll just turn it on and keep it on low so you can think or whatever okay?” The driver says while turning the radio on and adjusting the dial.

“No, wait…!” I try to snap off my seat-belt and stop him, but before I can, a dissonance begins to erupt from the speakers, and it slams me back into my chair. What sounds like the clanging pots and pans begins to infect my ears, and I begin to suffocate from the shear intensity. The driver does not seem to notice, and I try to scream, but all my bodily functions begin to shut down. I close my eyes, and suddenly the pots and pans begin to settle, and all I can hear is a deafening silence. Through my deafness and blindness, I begin to feel words begin to form. I can’t quite read or hear them, but that somehow form in my brain

“…burning desire…just don't let go…”

Suddenly my mind explodes with sound and color and they begin to form a scene.

I see two men on a black platform. One man is cowering on the ground, while the other is standing, and holding a gun. I can’t see what the cowering man looks like, but the man holding the gun looks very familiar. The gun man begins to look around, and I see that the black platform is actually in the middle of the sea, and starting to light on fire. I think maybe this is an oil platform, but it lacks any sort of protruding tower, it is entirely flat. The sea is turning a subdued orange due to the sun setting. And the gun man looks like he wants to cry, but can’t seem to do it.

“If you are gonna kill me then kill me!” the cowering man says while lifting his face. I don’t recognize him. The gun man gives up trying to cry, and instead smiles weakly while he throws away the gun.

“Oh, you have to be kidding me! How the hell did you know how to…” the once cowering man cuts off and begins to run away. It looks like he is trying to reach the edge of the platform, but the fire is growing higher and higher, limiting his path.

“Its all up to you now,” the gun-less gun man says as he begins to lie down, his arms and legs beginning to stretch out to make a star, “Good luck,” he says as he closes his eyes. The platform then becomes a torch and finally explodes.

“Wake up, we’re almost there!” the driver yells at me. I find myself in a much more pleasant sleeping position than I was expecting.

I want to ask how long I have been sleeping, but the words don’t quite form in my head, so I politely nod and try to prepare myself to what could possibly happen next.
The driver then stops the car and looks at me while gesturing to the trailer park in front of us, “Welcome to Anti-Assassination headquarters! The House of Maxwell!

Compartmentalization (Part 1)

Hello! During the Summer (or what most people would call “the end of summer” I suppose) I am going to try something different! I am going to write a bit of a serial story! Hope you will enjoy!

Compartmentalization

Part 1: The Blind Date

It was a fancy restaurant, one I wasn’t used going to. There was a red table cloth and the restaurant was dimly lit. Maybe that is why I can’t seem to remember anything else other than her face. In my memory, it is as if I have tunnel vision and everything other than her face is blurred. It was just the two of us, and it always cuts in at the same place.

“So are you saying you won’t remember me?” she remarked with a smile. I feel embarrassed as I explain,

    “Not quite, I am not through the whole program yet, but the idea is more that I forget things I won’t need immediately. It is a way to focus, and use more of the brain than people usually do.”

    “So it makes you smart?”

    “Yeah, but it also makes your life simpler, but able to work at a more complex level. It is really quite brilliant.”

    “What turned you on to this?”

    “Actually,” I stammer a little bit, “the whole thing was on TV. Though what I am practicing is from a professional, not just from some book I ordered on the phone.” I looked at her face to see her reaction. I was relieved it wasn’t of total revulsion as it had been for the past two blind dates. I had tried it both ways: not telling until after a few dates, and telling them right away, and I found that it is better to rip the band-aid off rather than try and pretend the band-aid doesn’t exist. She seemed to be more curious than anything. I decided to maybe elaborate some more, make it seem like a good idea rather than a completely crazy one.

    “You see,” I started, “The human body is always trying to reserve power in case of an emergency. Athletes know this and are always trying to train themselves to ignore pain, to ignore their body telling them to stop, because we know now that the body has a very small threshold when it comes to experiencing exhaustion, but it has a high threshold of how long and hard the body can actually go. The brain is the same way. People think that they have reached the limits of their intellect, but actually the brain holds back in order to save energy. The human body is so obsessed with saving itself that it can never truly reach its true potential.”

    “So this program makes it so you can?”

    “Well, hopefully. By organizing the brain and making them into compartments, the brain can access everything it is capable of.”

    “Wow, that sounds totally crazy!”

    “I know, but its kinda cool right?”

    “So I guess if this date goes well, you’ll remember me, and if you don’t do well, you’ll just forget I ever existed?”

    “Forget is probably too strong, it would be more like ignore, but I think this date is going okay, right?”

    “Sure, but what if something happens to you that you want to forget but you shouldn’t? I mean, I have some painful memories here and there, but if I forgot them, then I would never learn from them! How can you make it so you can remember the lessons from experience without the pain of the mistake?”

    I must have not come up with a very good answer, because that is when it cuts off. Or maybe I came up with a great answer, but the question is what remains much more important. Though the questions of who was she, and who was I, and how did that lead to here have become more and more pressing every time I remember that blind date. I think I remember that as a sort of warning and a way of explaining myself my situation, but more and more I feel that the memory is also used to mock me. Some past version of myself is gloating over how much more it understands than the me right now.

Then I hear a crash, and a second later I feel a crash. It is so sudden and intense that I wonder I am again wandering into another dream (I hesitate to say nightmare just because what distinguishes nightmare from normal dream is becoming more blurred everyday), but then I feel the blood coming out from a cut in my head and everything becomes into view. I look around and I am in some sort of black vehicle, my vision too blurred to make out any shapes. I bang open something I assume to be a door, and have to squint my eyes at the extreme brightness outside. It is as if I emerged from a black void and made it to an expanse of white space. Once my eyes adjust, I see that I am actually in a large desert and the heat is almost unbearable. I start to take off the once expensive suit (made cheap by the various rips and tears I assume I got from the crash) I am for some reason wearing, but before I can even take off the tie, I hear a voice in the distance.

    “Hey, you Josh?” the male voice yells gruffly.

    “Maybe?” I answer truthfully, “Who is asking?”

    “Doesn’t matter, get in!”

    Seeing as I didn’t have many other choices, I decide to walk towards what I now see is a big yellow van.

One of Three

One of Three by Carl M.

1/3

(It is about 7 PM at a small college in the middle of the Midwest. One early twenty-something boy [Kevin] is standing on top of his dorm building. As the sun is starting to set, a female guidance councilor [Mandy] and a glasses wearing campus security man [Barry] are rushing upstairs to Kevin)

Kevin: (Standing) *sigh* (begins to sit down)

Barry: (rushes in, almost breaks door, out of breath) STOP!!!

Mandy: (enters right behind Barry) Kevin?! Oh thank god! Kevin, get off the ledge NOW!

Kevin: I’m not actually on the ledge…

Barry: (interrupts) STOP RIGHT NOW! NOW WE CAN TALK ABOUT THIS NICE AND CALMLY! THERE IS SO MUCH TO LIVE FOR! NOW STEP DOWN AND FOLLOW US DOWNSTAIRS (almost starts to wretch). God damn (heavy breathing), I am out of shape…hold on a sec…(almost doubles over trying to catch his breath). Man, why do I keep doing this?

Mandy: Kevin, please, listen to the security officer and follow us downstairs.

Kevin: Wait, I wanna talk first.

Mandy: I don’t know Kevin, we should really do this downstairs…

Barry: No ma’am (catching breath), actually it is better to talk to the suicide attemptee about why he wants to commit suicide rather than try and divert the conversation. So boy, why you want to kill yourself?

Mandy: Kevin, I know you have been feeling down lately because of a breakup, but this is not the answer!

Kevin: It’s not, I mean, I’m not, this...(beat) this isn’t really about my suicide.

Mandy: What do you mean Kevin?

Barry: You planning on suiciding someone else?!

Kevin: No, well, kind of.

Mandy: I am not sure what you are saying.

Barry: I don’t see anyone…wait…(looks over edge and only sees gathering crowd of people), yeah, no one else is up here.

Mandy: Kevin, what are you trying to say?

Kevin: Okay…see…have you ever, you know…hmmmm…have you ever thought you had a power, like, the power to change history?

Mandy: We all have the power to change our own histories Kevin, that is why we all must live! To be able to change our futures!

Barry: You mean like a gun, kid? ‘Cause if you have a gun, I am going to have to arrest you right now (looks down at non-existant badge).

Kevin: No, not like a gun. More like…like a switch. Like if you can pull this switch, then everything changes. I feel like, I have this power, somehow.

Mandy: Kevin, I know life has been hard, the end of a relationship can be very tough, but if you just give it some time, then everything will be okay!

Kevin: That’s not it! I’m not suicidal, or heartbroken, or, or, or whatever! I think I have this power, and I want to use it, but I’m afraid!

Barry: Easy kid, now calm down and tell us exactly what in the world you are talking about.

Kevin: I think…I think I can reset…

Mandy: Its okay Kevin, let it all out.

Kevin: I think I can reset time.

Barry: What?

Mandy: Now, Kevin…

Kevin: I know it sounds crazy, but, well, I may be crazy, but in order to find out, I have to risk, well, everything!

Mandy: Alright, Kevin, there is no reason that we can’t just go back inside and talk about this like adults. Is that okay with you Kevin?

Kevin: NO! This is NOT okay! I know it sounds impossible but its true! I KNOW its true! I don’t want this power! I don’t want this responsibility!

Barry: Alright, I have just had enough of this. The kid ain’t gonna kill himself, so I am bringing him back inside.

Mandy: Kevin, listen to the man, you can sleep on this and come to my office in the morning.

Kevin: NO! STAY AWAY!

Barry: Ma’am, he may not be “suicidal,” but he isn’t technically supposed to be up here, and he is getting a little rowdy, so I may have to resort to non-lethal take-down here.

Mandy: KEVIN! Please, listen to him! We can all go downstairs and everything will be okay!

Kevin: No, you don’t understand. All the hate and sadness in the world, and I may have the key to solve it all…or, or, or it could be worse! But, if I don’t try…

Barry: I am going to count to three, Kevin. One….Two.....

Kevin: Well, here goes nothing.

Barry: THREE!

(Blackout)

2/3

(It is about 8 PM at a small college in the middle of the Midwest. One early twenty-something boy [Kevin] is standing close to the edge of the ledge of his dorm building. As the sun sets, a female guidance councilor [Mandy] and a glasses wearing campus security man [Barry] are rushing upstairs to Kevin)

Kevin: (standing) *Sigh* (steps up on ledge)

Mandy: (rushes in, almost breaks door, out of breath) STOP!!

Barry: Now Kevin, I want you to get off that ledge right now!

Mandy: Jesus! Don’t do it! You have so much to…(trying to catch breath)…aw crap…live for (doubles over, trying to catch breath) Man, why do I keep doing that?

Barry: (gives Mandy a look) Anyway, Kevin, you don’t need to talk about why you are doing this right now, I just want you to come down from the edge and we can talk about your schoolin’ here.

Kevin: NO! I’m not coming down! I’M GONNA DO IT!

Mandy: No! You’re not supposed to divert attention from the suicide!

Barry: Oh yeah, that does sound familiar…

Kevin: She is all I had! Now that she is gone, OH GOD, I JUST WANNA DIE!

Barry: Kevin, now Kevin, there are plenty of girls in the world, as there are fish in the sea, killing yourself over one isn’t going to help anyone, especially yourself.

Kevin: You don’t understand! This is different!

Barry: Kevin, it’s gonna be okay. I know this is the pits right now, but it gets better! I guarantee it! I will bet my badge on it (looks at chest) or, well, you know!

Kevin: No, I, I couldn’t change it, I couldn’t change anything!

Barry: Now, Kevin, you can change anything! The future is oyster!

Kevin: No, I think, I think I can reset time! But I just don’t know!

Mandy: What?

Barry: Alright, Kevin, there is no reason that we’ll can’t just go back inside and talk about this like adults. Is that okay with you Kevin?

Kevin: I saw the signs, I knew it was ending, but I didn’t have the balls to go through with it! I could prevent everything! But I did nothing! What if…what if I can never be happy? What if I am stuck with this no matter what I do? What if this isn’t even the first time I reset time? Oh god…

Mandy: Just take a deep breath, okay? Through the nose (inhales through nose) and out the mouth (exhales out mouth). Now, there is nothing you could have done. A breakup is a very tough thing to go through, and I am here for you. Anytime you want to talk about it I am here for you. Do you want to talk about it now?

Kevin: You’re right…time is on my side. Next time, next time things will be different (jumps off ledge)

Barry and Mandy: NO!

(Blackout)

3/3

(It is about 9 PM at a small college in the middle of the Midwest. One Early twenty-something boy [Kevin] is sitting close to the edge of the ledge of his dorm building. As the moon shines, a female guidance councilor [Mandy] and a glasses wearing campus security man [Barry] are walking upstairs to Kevin)

Kevin: (sits for a while, then stands up) *sigh*

Mandy: (opens door tentively) Kevin, are you out there?

Barry: Kevin, if you are out there, you gotta say something!

Mandy: We heard from your girlfriend that you might be up here. Did you guys have a fight?

Barry: She seems pretty worried about you. Girlfriends like that are…

Kevin: She’s not my girlfriend, okay!

Barry: Really? Well, she seems like a good friend at least…

Kevin: We just broke up.

Mandy: Oh, I’m so sorry, Kevin! Do you want to talk about it?

Barry: You technically shouldn’t be up here, you know. Broken heart or not.

Kevin: No, its just…*sigh*, I was thinking of maybe ending it all, but I got this strange sense of…I dunno, pointlessness. I mean, I tried so hard to keep it together, and now that it is all falling apart, I don’t even have the energy to give up anymore.

Mandy: Its alright, we are here for you now.

Kevin: It all feels, feels like this has all been done before. Even if I were to kill myself, it wouldn’t change anything.

Mandy: Now, there is nothing you could have done. A breakup is a very tough thing to go through, and I am here for you. Anytime you want to talk about it I am here for you. Do you want to talk about it now?

Kevin: Yeah, actually that would be nice (gets up and walks toward Mandy). Don’t you sometimes wish you could…do it all over again?

Mandy: Sometimes, but I figure that even if I could do everything all over again, I would probably make the same mistakes anyway.

Kevin: Yeah…that’s probably right.

(Mandy and Kevin leave)

Barry: Offah, another night, another crazy kid.

(END)

Sexism in Video Games

A couple of weeks ago the internet was heating up with the accusations that video games are sexist. I didn’t really feel the need to write about it until I saw a friend on my facebook feed posting about it with a comment about how horrible nerd culture can be. Since video games is a hobby I put a lot of time and energy into, I figured that I should probably give some sort of comment.

I guess my biggest problem with the recent accusations that “video games are sexist” is that the claim is mostly based on two trailers that Square Enix put out (one for the new Tomb Raider game, and the other for Hitman Absolution). Perhaps this is mostly a semantic argument, but condemning the entirety of video games because of two trailers seems really off to me. They are not even trailers for games that are released to the public yet. If people want to argue that the Square Enix marketing branch is sexist, they may have a case, but no matter how offensive a commercial for a product is, I think people should at least wait to play the finished product before passing judgment.

Though, that is not to say that some video games aren’t sexist. Maybe that is part of the reason why all these websites calling out video games as sexist now is so frustrating. There have been things in video games that have been sexist for years. Take for example,  often times, fighting games often have their female characters weaker but faster, mostly justified because women aren’t as strong as men in real life. That may be true, but then why are these women barely wearing any clothes, not even a bra? Since it is completely unrealistic and counter-intuitive to how actual women would fight, it is hard not to conclude that the only reason women are designed like they are in many fighting games is due to trying to sell and identify to males by way of female objectification.

Despite these developments happening for years, it is not until the sexism is packaged and shown in a way that everybody can understand can people actually talk about the content in a video game. Actual meaningful conversation about video games is rather rare in the mainstream, and is even sometimes hard to find on dedicated video game web sites and forums. This could be because the interactive nature of video games makes it harder to have a conversation (especially if the game is open enough to allow for many sorts of play styles), but it just feels like video games are not taken seriously until they are doing something wrong.

Take a game like Trauma for example. It is a PC game about a woman who goes through her dreams and interprets them in order to deal with her parents’ death. The game is narrated from a first person perspective, and trying to solve the dream logic in an almost photo essay form allows for the player to understand who she is better. Or how about games like Saira, Swords and Sworcery, or Noitu Love 2 Evolution who have protagonists that are female, but do not focus on their gender? Does the fact that they aren’t sexualized in any way make them not sexist? Or how about a game like Blackwell Legacy where one of the characters uses sexist vocabulary to the female main character in order to seem anachronistic and out of touch?

To be honest, these questions are never raised probably because no one plays these games. The sad fact of the matter is that there are insensitive, violent, sexist games out there, but there are also games that try to be different and don’t take the easy road in order to sell on sexism. This is similar to movies, books, etc. Video games are in this weird place that many people have enjoyed them, but they haven’t become essential enough that people still generalize and make broad assumptions about interactive entertainment. Sure, I could go on and on about how popular games like Angry Birds, Tetris, The Sims, Animal Crossing, and other video games are completely contradictory to the sort of blanket statement that all video games are violent and sexist, but for some reason, people tend to let the worst color their perceptions. Imagine if people listened to Eminem’s “Kim” and decided that all music, not just Eminem’s music, or even rap music in general, was violent and disturbing. Video games just have not reached that place in people’s heads where they are a subjective medium and not just a toy for adolescent boys.

Though in the end, perhaps the better question if video games deserve to be taken seriously by the mainstream. It becomes a bit of a “chicken and egg” problem,  for if no one is willing to buy video games that don’t just pander to the lowest denominator, then who can even afford to make those games in the first place? The only answer I can come up with is that if people really feel strong about making games that are not sexist, then people will make these games even if it doesn’t make a profit or not. Maybe one day we will have the video game equivalent of Bridesmaids and it will make waves and smash the ideas that female focused games can’t sell. But until then, I urge people who play video games to stop playing the games that offend you and to start talking about games that challenge your perception of what video games are and can be in the future.