On Fluency

To be honest, being fluent is something I have always felt a bit insecure about. I have studied the Japanese language for about 7 years, and have lived in Japan for about 3 and a half years, but whenever I ask myself, “Am I fluent in Japanese?” I begin to doubt myself. It is not that I can’t speak or read the language, but it is the fact that I never feel like I am good enough. Whenever I speaking Japanese, most of the time I feel like I get my point across, but every so often I run into somebody that can’t understand me at all, and I begin to wonder if no one understands me, and they are being too polite to say anything. I understand that, English being my native language, that I can not help but have an accent. No matter what I do, that is something I can’t really change. Sure, I can go into a voice imitation of some Japanese people around me or a Japanese celebrity or something, but in the end, it doesn’t feel natural. Like many people in Japan learning English, I have to deal with my limitations of being a non-native speaker.

In a round a bout way though, I have found that this struggle has made me much more sympathetic to English speech in Japan. Since English is required learning in Japan, there are a whole lot of Japanese students who study English, but only a percentage of them become fully able to hold a conversation with other English speakers. I find that a lot of native English speakers in Japan tend to look down and make fun of a lot of the English speech in Japan but there is a part of me that just feels like that is just wrong headed. Though, in their defense, Japanese people tend to laugh at their own English all the time. Though when Japanese people do it, it is self-deprecating, but when native English speakers do it, the jokes sometimes come off as mean spirited. I realize now that a lot of that stems from my own struggles with Japanese. My Japanese is worlds better than before, but I remember after I graduated high school it wasn’t until my friend called a baby “kowaii” that we realised that kowaii means scary, while kawaii means cute. I studied for four years before I understood that. Perhaps that is why when a Japanese student says “rook” instead of “look,” I am more sympathetic than amused.

Though I suppose fluency is really about confidence. It is the ability to speak quickly and confidently to express yourself. I feel like I can do this, but sometimes if I want to ask about something I am not sure what the word is in Japanese, I just don’t talk about it. Does it count as fluent if I only talk about things I know all the words for? I actually took a point after thinking about that to talk about bigger issues with my Japanese colleagues and friends. It ended up okay, I got said what I wanted to say, but it wasn’t as intellectually fulfilling as I wanted it to be. Maybe if I really want to get to the level of fluency I desire, I need to really challenge myself and go the distance; argue about something I really feel passionate about and stand my ground.

It is that passion I think that grounds true fluency. Being able to talk about the weather is all fine and good as far as language goes, but until I find something I really want to discuss and need that high level language in order to make a conversation, I am not going to be satisfied. I would rather talk in broken Japanese about the effect of the warlord Oda Nobunaga has on the modern day salary men, than talk in perfect Japanese about how boring my day was. It will be that drive that will propel me to learn more Japanese and become a true master in the language. Or at least propel me to read a Japanese comic book now and then.